Double Shift

Ah, weekend jobs. I showed up at 8am and won’t be home till 2am. Two weddings in a row. It’s warm and beautiful outside and I’m hunched over the computer in the back office, listening to people cry during their speeches. Speeches, by the way, which have been going on for 40 minutes.

How many hundreds of weddings have I monitored since I started this job in 93? Always sitting here at this unchanging desk in a musty library waiting for something to go wrong. I’m the guy who plunges out the toilets, changes the fuses, and makes sure nobody is setting a bomb in the kitchen. Which I’m not sure I would stop if I did witness such a thing happening.

My brain died sometime around 10am. I’m on autopilot now. Not even able to concentrate on a book. Instead, I jacked into the internet (which I’m not supposed to do) and downloaded Haylee Bangg’s great gangbang scene. Her only one, as far as I know. Four black guys brutally ream her ass for 32 minutes.

I moved the laptop so all the people who wander into my office to stare blankly at the books and worship the air conditioner have no idea what I’m doing. I find it thrilling to sit here with nasty fetish anal porn playing over and over on the screen while I smile at children and shake old lady’s hands. Yes, ma’am, it’s a lovely day for a wedding.

Daytime events are a bummer because it’s harder to sweep the basement and liquor storage area for loot. Best behavior. My boss has been known to conduct spot inspections during daytime events. If she does so now, then it’ll be All Access Haylee Bangg! Maybe my boss will like what she sees. Maybe I should turn the laptop around and just loudly say “Anal sex!” to whoever walks into my office. That’ll guarantee me alone time. If that doesn’t get rid of people, there is another method: Spend the rest of the day and night peering out through a crack in the door and giggling. That Japanese horror movie sort of giggle that becomes maniacal whenever someone gets too close.

Or maybe I’ll just get a rum and coke and go sit in the garden. That’s probably the healthy thing to do. This is an older people’s wedding going on right now, so there’s nothing to worry about. No bombs, at least.