The chap with wings there. Five rounds rapid.
It’s the music, right? I’ve been in a S.A.D. crash since the 20th and I blame the Peanuts Christmas soundtrack playing at top volume everywhere I go. The bar, the deli, the guy next to me on the bus, and now at a friend’s house. When I ask if we can turn it off, I get blank looks. Like, “Turn what off? We have always been listening to the Peanuts Christmas soundtrack…”
Continue reading ‘Holidays’
I’ve long suffered from seasonal depression, and written desperately about it here, but, this year, I actually feel pretty good about the holidays. Christmas is around the corner and I’m just fine.
How’d I do this? Simple. I’ve spent the past 20 years embracing a culture of hate and anger and I’ve ostracized my entire family, creating irreparable rifts between all of us.
And, before you say how sad that sounds, remember that this is the family that tried to keep my mom’s lover 100 feet from her coffin during the funeral and actively sought legal reps to get all that in place while I sat there stunned and grieving. The family that condemned me when I was 12 merely because I resembled my father. And that’s all just the very tip of the iceberg. That’s, like, the tamest stuff.
Continue reading ‘Vanquishing Seasonal Depression’
In Sunday school, of course, Easter was always a hot topic. Something about a bunch of guys having an orgy in a room who are accidentally drugged and have a collective hallucination that acts as Event One for 2000 years of mass murder, rape, and extreme inhumanity.
Continue reading ‘Easter’
I figured I’d cheat on this article and break from the Vignettes Project. I figure all you folks are in post-family mode. Happy and safe and holiday-drunk, right? And it’s “Black Friday,” which means I should post a link to my Amazon Wishlist! Eighteen pages of cult culture, and I turned on third party ordering so you can get me shit for a penny.
Continue reading ‘Holiday Interlude’
On the road again.
The interstate screaming beneath my tires, the mountains on the horizon. West into the setting sun, truckers roaring past as I hug the granny lane, cruise control to five miles over the speed limit, a steady, relaxing cruise control. The plugs of traffic, traveling like miniature herds of harried animals, rise up in my rear view, close the gap, zoom past. Brake lights dancing if the leader sees a cop, imagined or not. They vanish around a bend, leaving me alone again with the lonely road.
Continue reading ‘Acura’s Last Ride’
Christmas. I hate Christmas. I always have. And I don’t mean in that Seasonal Affective Disorder way. I mean, here I am in March and I’m dreading December. It consumes me. I’m always thinking: Oh…god. Christmas. Again.
Why doesn’t it alternate years? That’s the healthy way to do it. Christmas every second year. Give us time to recover and catch our breath.
Continue reading ‘Season’s Greetings!’
I have a rare free weekend coming up and, as Monday dawns harsh and merciless, I find that I’m irrationally excited about the idea that, come Friday, I’ll be able to come home, take off my pants, go nowhere, do nothing, and not utter a single word for 60 hours.
Continue reading ‘Social Animals’
Hey, look, Christmas is Saturday. It’s not too late to get something off my wishlist.Look! It’s up to 18 pages. I’m awesome.
If you get me brewing equipment, then you’ll be invited to Nacho’s Monthly Beer Parties, where I plan to fill my landlady’s heart full of fear and regret.
And, now, a flashback!
I have a goddamned office Christmas party to go to today and it just weighs on me… All I can think about is being crammed into the boardroom with all the squares that I do my absolute best to avoid the rest of the year. And there’s no dodging it. A mandatory office party. If we blow it off, we’ll be severely punished. Merry Christmas!
Continue reading ‘Wasted Fridays’
Nacho’s 2010 in Review
As I sit here trying to live up to my own asinine writing challenge, I figured I’d take a stab at writing a quick review of 2010 since, honestly, 2010 has been a pretty fucked up year.
Like every year since the premiere of Galactica 1980, I’m glad to see it end.
Continue reading ‘Nacho’s 2010 in Review’