I won tickets to Bubba Ho-Tep, after entering the Washington City Paper weekly giveaway. Everybody wins the giveaway, and it’s usually a Xerox of a movie pass to the low rent premiere night of some DC-only release. An old gag – 200 tickets for 100 seats.
Tag Archive for 'horror'
I’ve talked about Helena the Hussy of Horror before, and I’m sad that so much time has passed since her second video. But never fear, she’s back now…and better than ever. The third video, pasted below, is a delicious homage sort of thing for Wes Craven’s atrocious Swamp Thing, hailing from the distant and dark 1982.
Oh, I’m being mean. I loved Swamp Thing…when I was eight.
We’re long overdue for a horror hostess of this sort who blurs the lines of reality. The movie is more a part of her own world as opposed to Helena being just another campy horror host giving us a tired review that’s been done again and again. You can better enjoy Helena’s interpretation of the movie than if you were to actually sit down and suffer a full viewing. I don’t care what you say about Adrienne Barbeau’s tits and the quantity of hash you smoked right before the opening sequence, you shouldn’t be able to sit through Swamp Thing and enjoy it.
And speaking of crap movies, the Helena team are on a roll. Next up is the original Friday the 13th. Looking forward to that. Here’s hoping we see plenty more of Helena in the future. And, yes, that may have a double meaning.
The Helena website is right here, where you can join her “harem,” get sucked into her Amazon store, and stare at pictures with your reptilian, predator eyes. I know who you are. I’ve seen you around the playground every afternoon this week.
I’ve mentioned my buddy Lonnie and his movie before, I think. I’m too lazy to check and, between you and me, I have no idea what I’ve posted on the front page. Except for the stuff I wrote 20 years ago because I like to sit around and wonder how healthy my childhood was.
So the big problem with The Fog is that it opens with a ticking watch sound, which makes me want to watch Back to the Future, then it has a dangling pocketwatch effect on screen, which makes me want to watch Time After Time, and then it has the crazy sea captain telling a story, which makes me want to watch Scrooged, because the sea captain sounds just like John Houseman.
So The Fog is ruined in the first minute. But it’s still awesome! Yay 1980!
I mention this because it’s Halloween week and maybe you want some movie ideas. You can follow my brain-rotting adventures in the forums!
Also, I’m drinking gin right now and not using the spell checker. Sue me.
So my good friend, who has a movie coming out soon, has turned his wife into Helena, the Hussy of Horror. Originally intended for some Horrorfest thing, here’s the first episode via youtube, which is where people on the internet like to go, apparently.
They didn’t win whatever the Horrorfest thing was because, really, the people behind all that stuff are morons. So, instead, they’ve turned it into a little thing. Here’s the second episode, which is an intro for Deadlands part 2.