The chap with wings there. Five rounds rapid.
I often go on about how bored I am. And I am. It’s overwhelming, sometimes. Every single aspect of my life is predictable. Like a show you’ve watched a million times. My entire life is Star Trek II on mute while I sprawl on the couch with a midday gin and tonic and mumble the dialogue, not even bothering to watch the screen. Let them eat static.
Continue reading ‘Let them eat static’
We have a high turnover at my day job because we work for fascists. It’s not really obvious, on the surface, that we work for fascists. It’s this sort of creeping, passive-aggressive thing. After a few years you find yourself in a watchtower at a concentration camp and your supervisor asks you to rape and then dismember an eight year old girl and you go, “Oh. Wait a minute… Where am I?”
Continue reading ‘What are your weaknesses?’
This is the lonely time. Crouched in the dark, spooky basement of the old mansion where I work on the weekends. My seasonal weekend job is grinding to a halt, so the mansion is quiet and dark this Friday night. The sounds of music and dancing and caterers shifting equipment doesn’t pound through the floor. The only sounds are the normal sounds of a large, old house, slowly creaking through the late night hours. And the sounds of the washer and dryer in the next room.
Continue reading ‘Illegal Laundry’
I realized the other day that I haven’t really felt the economic downturn at all. In fact, I’ve been better off these last few years than the last 20. Yes, I work six jobs, but each one of them is secure. At my regular salary serf jobs, I’ve seen huge annual raises, absurd quarterly bonuses, and a general sort of blank stare from bosses and co-workers alike when you mention the economy.
Continue reading ‘One Percenter’
I just had my first free weekend in a year. It wasn’t planned. I was supposed to go to a Halloween party on the 29th, but then we had a freak blizzard. While, thankfully, there was no accumulation in DC, the psychological effect – especially after the last two years of horrific winter storms – was crushing. I looked out at a hard, wet curtain of snow and I knew the weekend would grind to a halt. My friends, who had been planning their party for months, saw their guest list dwindle, and I sat in my bathrobe and allowed myself to devolve into a filthy mess, with a brain dulled by Netflix.
Continue reading ‘The Haunting of Nacho Sasha’
The business of weddings, as I’ve watched it evolve over the last 20 years, has become one of the more disgusting examples of runaway capitalism and usury.
Continue reading ‘Special Day’
Let’s get one thing out of the way. Honest people need not apply for catering jobs. It’s not like waiting tables. It’s my impression that the machinery of the service industry enforces a sort of honesty system on waiters, who have to tip out to the bussers, bartenders, hostesses, and others. A vast network of symbiotic parasites who keep the customers just as happy as the well-tipped waiter. A waiter has to be up front about what they’re receiving (to a degree) and make sure everyone’s taken care of. A cog in the great wheel that makes your night out a good time.
Continue reading ‘Sub Rosa’
I think it’s time to start telling my co-workers what I really think about them. I’ve coasted through my day job for ten years now, keeping my head down, trying to fade into the crowd and just muddle through the day.
Continue reading ‘Co-workers’
I’ve been doing an inventory of my life over this last year. Looking back on the sins, successes, excesses, and all those things we carry with us.
I’ve concluded that the world is insane and I’m living in some sort of unending horror movie. At any moment, a man wearing a flash mask is going to leap out, run me down, and brutally murder me.
Continue reading ‘Catering’
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