Author Topic: Freaky Times Submission Guidelines  (Read 14089 times)

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Offline starrwriter

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Freaky Times Submission Guidelines
« on: April 30, 2005, 05:43:27 PM »
Some guy in Hawaii, my ass! This is YOUR newspaper, you dirty freaks. I wrote the first edition as an introduction, but from now on I will simply design the page (with a rare contribution when the spirit moves me.) It's up to you freaks to provide the stories and photos. So get cracking and start emailing the material to wsmoake@gmail.com as soon as possible. I mean it. I'm not kidding. I'll tell your mom if you don't.

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES FOR FREAKY TIMES

(1)Invent a news-type story about anything or anybody. Use your imagination. It's that thing behind your boring rational mind.

(2)Must be funny, but not Monkey's kind of "humor." Sick, depraved, obscene, etc. are all pluses.

(3)Think short -- very short. If your submission goes beyond 4 paragraphs, it better be goddamned hilarious to justify the extra work it will cause me.

(4)SEND PHOTOS! They are absolutely necessary to break up the layout. A submitted item can simply be a photo with a funny caption and no story.

(5)Animations are cool, especially since you can steal them off the web. (We're lawsuit-proof since we own nothing.)

(6)Resist the temptation to submit a chapter from your attempt to write The Great American Novel. It's not funny and it will never be published even if you do finish it, which is extremely unlikely.

(7)After you submit a news item to Freaky Times, don't pester me with questions about when your masterpiece will appear. If you do, I'll delete your story and get drunk.

yotoc

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Re: Freaky Times Submission Guidelines
« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2005, 06:51:09 PM »
Quote from: starrwriter
(4)SEND PHOTOS! They are absolutely necessary to break up the layout. A submitted item can simply be a photo with a funny caption and no story.


FUNNY CAPTION!

Offline starrwriter

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Re: Freaky Times Submission Guidelines
« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2005, 08:18:12 PM »
Quote from: yotoc
Quote from: starrwriter
(4)SEND PHOTOS! They are absolutely necessary to break up the layout. A submitted item can simply be a photo with a funny caption and no story.


FUNNY CAPTION!


Write a real caption and I'll use the photo in the next edition of Freaky Times. Think of something funny, angry, off the wall, etc. -- didn't you call her Hamhock or something like that in your posts?

Offline Nubbins

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Re: Freaky Times Submission Guidelines
« Reply #3 on: May 04, 2005, 09:00:58 PM »
Quote from: starrwriter
Quote from: yotoc
Quote from: starrwriter
(4)SEND PHOTOS! They are absolutely necessary to break up the layout. A submitted item can simply be a photo with a funny caption and no story.


FUNNY CAPTION!


Write a real caption and I'll use the photo in the next edition of Freaky Times. Think of something funny, angry, off the wall, etc. -- didn't you call her Hamhock or something like that in your posts?


Hamgoblin.
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Tyson

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Re: Freaky Times Submission Guidelines
« Reply #4 on: May 04, 2005, 09:08:54 PM »
HAMBURGLAR GETS SEX CHANGE!

Offline starrwriter

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Re: Freaky Times Submission Guidelines
« Reply #5 on: May 04, 2005, 09:15:21 PM »
Quote from: Tyson
HAMBURGLAR GETS SEX CHANGE!


Come on, you fucktards, more than one word or one very short sentence. Tie it in with the hunger strike or something.

I'm not writing this rag, I'm just the layout editor. That cuts into my drinking time enough.

Offline Nubbins

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Re: Freaky Times Submission Guidelines
« Reply #6 on: February 13, 2008, 04:17:05 PM »
Bumping this thread because someone is reading it... is that you, Starr?!  You can't hide from us!!
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Offline Tatertots

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Re: Freaky Times Submission Guidelines
« Reply #7 on: February 13, 2008, 04:19:40 PM »
2008 is the year of the HAMBURGLAR PORN REVIVAL!

Offline Tatertots

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Re: Freaky Times Submission Guidelines
« Reply #8 on: February 13, 2008, 04:20:20 PM »
Wait, was I the one who sparked the Starrwriter meltdown? 'Cause that would be cool.

Offline Nubbins

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Re: Freaky Times Submission Guidelines
« Reply #9 on: February 13, 2008, 04:21:54 PM »
I'm not sure... I think Freaky Times was the beginning of the end for ol' Starr.  The open mockery came not too long after that.
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