I've fallen prey to something that clearly labels me as a certain type of a person and exposes a dark secret.  This terrible weakness now allows the casual reader to thin me from the herd: 

I am a sci-fi geek.  And not just the sort who enjoyed Star Wars and dislikes the path of the franchise, but the type who rallies behind dreadful, poorly scripted low budget cult-culture and becomes militant if the "common public" fails to show the right level of respect.  The type of hopeless geek who becomes distracted and vocal whenever there is a sci-fi schism.  Right now, there is a schism in the Firefly universe with the release of the big comeback film (or so it's hoped) Serenity.  One side says it's Firefly's second wind and a sort of pop-cult Star Wars for the modern era.  My side says that Serenity has destroyed the Firefly franchise.  River becomes Buffy, main characters die for no reason, the Reavers become the Wraith (from Stargate: Atlantis) and, instead of Blue Sun Corporation, we get a weak as water "parliament."  Serenity should have said "based on a show called Firefly."

Since I was watching her intently, as always, I also have to say that Morena Baccarin looks bad on the big screen.  Some actors belong on the tube, and some on film.  It's not a bad thing, it's just how it works.

Now I'm not living in my parent's basement masturbating furiously on Star Trek action figures, so I can see the light. I'm thrilled that Serenity even got made, because I think Firefly is the best sci-fi that never was.  I said that on our forums, which are populated with a crew of lunatic drunks who fear women, and it got me thinking:  What is the quintessential Nacho Sasha list of good sci-fi shows that never were?

This led into a barroom argument at the Quarry House because the bartender said Space: 1999 and I said, well, possibly, but it did have two seasons.  So it may have been fucked brutally by an entire jungle of AIDS monkeys, and the great storylines and wonderful characters that formed a strong first season may have been thrown out in favor of an entire season of watching Landau masturbate onto the camera lens and gag himself with his finger, but the show was.  It got that second season. 

Let's look at shows that never even got the first season and should have.  Shows that died mid-season before they completed the 20 episode mark.  Shows that, like Firefly, had a certain unique charm and innovation but were shown at 3am and only in Dutch for reasons mysterious and bizarre.  Maybe the networks didn't understand what they had, maybe they even sabotaged them on purpose.  Or maybe the shows really did suffer from some crippling, internal injury in the writing department:  Fear to explore the potential, or fight against King Censor, or take that extra step. 

Like Firefly, every time these shows implode, they turn into cult sensations and fans pay through the nose for merchandise for decades, so it's a mystery to me why they failed.  In the last few years, you'd think the networks would figure out that the Sci-Fi channel, which is run by drunks and madmen, has it right.  Will this show be a hit?  Plop, primetime.  Nope?  Okay, cancel.  How about...this one!  Plop.

Nowadays Sci-Fi is putting out off-beat, unexpectedly good sci fi that beats the network broadcasting.   In the case of the new Battlestar Galactica, especially, just about every sci-fi geek is sitting back in awe.  And so are the intolerant networks.  BSG is the "did you hear that boom?" show.  I am remake, hear me roar.  Like the Doctor Who remake, not aired in the US, BSG gathers ratings around it like ducklings and is currently being renewed for multiple seasons. 

Doctor Who has been renewed for four years and, to be honest, I really don't think they know what they're doing as we creep closer to the spring launch for the second season.  Deep down in my heart, I must acknowledge that the comeback season was nostalgic pap that just doesn't have a lasting punch.  They're also starting up a Doctor Who spinoff.  It's an entertainment rush somewhat reminiscent of the Roman army hitting your provincial capital on a bad day.  Since it's not being aired in the US, the new Doctor Who, in an American's eyes, may well be the best sci-fi that never was, given time.  But that's hardly relevant in the world of torrents. 

So - shows that didn't make it to a full season.  What were the best?  I'm going to start with the one and only exception to this self-imposed rule:  Voyagers! 

Voyagers!  hit 20 episodes and was about to embark on a second season, with a new twist, but Jon-Erik Hexum blew his head off "accidentally" on a movie set. 

Voyagers! was the story of a bumbling adventurer, part of a futuristic society (we later learn) who send agents around to correct problems in the timeline caused by...whatever.  There aren't any bad guys, no ulterior motives, just slight tweaks that need to be made.  Time traveling janitors!  An electrical storm sends the bumbling adventurer, Hexum, well out of the range of his little time travel device, the Omni.  (Every Voyager specializes on a certain period, and they use antique pocket watches to zip around.) Crashing into the 80's, he picks up a rat-haired kid and they get trapped in time since the Omni was shorted out by the storm.  Easy.  Lucky for everyone, the kid's a history geek.  It's mindless, simple fun.  Hexum always falls for a girl or does something stupid, the kid then has to take over and make sure things work out.  They meet historical folks, run from Nazis, get bombed, save children and meet beautiful women every week while trading barbs and getting embroiled in comic problems.  You hate it when you watch it but, when you're through with the season, you have to watch it again because, a week later, you suddenly love it.  It's a virus.

So, to the meat of the list!

If given three seconds to think about it, the first great show that never was is Wizards & Warriors.  CBS's 1983 fantasy directed by Bill Bixby.  Basically, it's what Team Raimi used to put together their Xena/Hercules franchise.  Monsters, magic, and totally offbeat comedy that made no sense in 1983 but is beautiful in 2005.  Running for only eight episodes before CBS executed everyone involved, the show followed wise-cracking Prince Erik Greystone, his Herculean sidekick and his Bruce Campbell-esque brother on sword and sorcery adventures through the land.  Constantly at odds with a neighboring evil prince, flirting with a barrage of hottie witches and always getting into some sort of comic trouble, the show was really a brutal satire on the genre. 

The Misfits of Science enjoyed 17 episodes before it vanished forever.  Anti-corporate biological researchers gather a team of kids with weird superpowers to do battle with the dreaded Humanidyne Company and... Oh, I don't know.  It's like Rat Patrol with stupid kid comedy and rockstars who control lightning when they play guitar.  The show was a sacrificial lamb from the beginning, scheduled against Dynasty in its glory days.  Misfits wasn't even a contender - zany comedy and lighthearted stories.  Though fate would have taken a hand, anyway, since the creator and two main stars died in a plane crash about a week after Misfits was cancelled. 

The Misfits included a clumsy black man who had taking growth drugs and was now 9 feet tall, but shrunk to the size of an action figure if you touched the right spot on his head, the telekinetic girl played by Courtney Cox, the rock star who controlled lightning and their father-figure scientist leader.  All against the great Max Wright, heading up the evil corporation. 

Retarded sci-fi comedy at its best.

Just about 20 minutes in our future is the inimitable Max Headroom which, despite only running for 14 episodes, was a cult sensation.  I've had die-hard fans tell me that Max was killed by New Coke.  If you caught me after a few drinks in my local dive, I'd believe you.   Being Coke's ad idol during the changeover, and running the show at the same time, I wouldn't be surprised if the massive backlash against New Coke did, indeed, crush any hopes for the series to continue. The truth is that the American remake and resulting series lacked what made Headroom a star.  Headroom launched first in the UK as a dark, angry and compelling sci-fi movie which, for the time, was just about as original as you can get.  Even comparing it to Tron, which is the most obvious source for the material, is difficult.  There was nothing quite like it.  But, when it jumped the pond, it also jumped the shark.  The American version cleaned up the dystopia and the storyline and, while still strangely brilliant, it ended up being just what it was by that point - a major corporate advertising machine.  Oh, and poorly written, vaguely tedious and shameful compared to Headroom Phase One.

However... However, however.  Headroom had broken a mold, and if left to its own devices, I can't help but wonder what it could have been.  I watched it and I loved it, even though I knew the crimes it had committed. 

Rolling out of the darkness of the 1970's is Planet of the Apes, The Series.  I had tons to say about it right here and, so, I won't repeat myself.  It contends with Firefly as the best sci-fi that never was.  But it had to compete against the woefully misguided Planet of the Apes franchise as well as the strange rules set forward by the networks.  Sci Fi shows were regarded as children's television and, so, couldn't get too rough.  Nobody could really die, and they needed to have value.  Telling this to a coke fiend writer who has a deadline of NOW NOW NOW is no way to make a great story.  I would pay money to see them try Planet of the Apes again today.  Without Marky Mark.  Almost every episode of that show is clearly held back forcefully, as if both actors and writers were pained by the limitations.

Sneaking around in the background of the great television war is quiet little Probe.  You know it now as Monk, except our hero wasn't a fruitcake.  He was a shut-in scientist whose brilliance was so great he was almost dysfunctional.  Sheltered in his own little research facility, he spent his off hours solving impossible crimes with the help of his ditzy little secretary.  Probe was one of those shows that was a little too smart for its own good.  Unlike Monk, which appears to have been made for idiot America, Probe didn't hold back the fact that its main character was intelligent.  During the seven episode run, I was inspired to go out and read Asimov and Bradbury, among others.  In fact, it was almost required reading if you wanted to follow along with the mystery. 

Once again, the doom didn't really come from the public.  Probe was sacrificed by the network, thrown  casually opposite The Cosby Show which, in 1988, was lord of the ratings.  From the first half hour of the pilot movie, it was clear to everyone that Probe would be dead by the end of the first month.  It's surprising it almost made it through two months.

A brand new great sci-fi show that never was is Global Frequency, based on the shockingly addictive Warren Ellis comic and starring the wonderful Michelle Forbes as Miranda Zero.  Global Frequency showed up with a clumsy pilot episode that, from the get-go, shattered the heart of the Ellis comics but, beneath that initial shock, had serious promise.  First off, what better casting for Miranda Zero is there?  Michelle Forbes stepped into the role and, without hesitation, she was Miranda.  I will accept no other.

While the comics - or are we supposed to say graphic novels now? - features a series of stories where Miranda Zero and her techno sidekick Alph are the minds behind the all-powerful Global Frequency, a super-elite group of unconnected experts who are activated when needed to defend all of us from the impossible X-files-style horrors out there.  To bring that to TV, the pilot was forced to select one such expert, cool and sexy Dr. Kate Finch, with wise-cracking, resourceful, square-jawed street cop Sean Flynn.  It's a hard pill to swallow but, lucky for us, Alph and Miranda Zero steal the entire pilot.  Michelle Forbes slinks around as Miranda, controlling the background and showing off her more-powerful-than-the-President authority while Aimee Garcia, as Alph, directs the story with a constant stream of hacker proficiency and comic one liners.

I walked away from Global Frequency thinking, Jesus, that was a rock-out pilot.  That is the next sci-fi legend. 

The WB network didn't even air the pilot.  It was "leaked" onto the internet.  Of course, these days, leaks like that mean that the WB was fishing for a fan response to make their decision for them.  The response wasn't great enough to justify the show, so the pilot remains online only.  This is a show that never was, in the literal sense. 

I get a lot of arguments from folks who have big cult shows that they support, so I need to defend myself in those cases.  The following shows were, albeit for a short time:  Earth 2:  Ran for a full season and, let's admit it, it was a pretty rough ride.  Dark Angel:  Got two seasons, and it deserved to die.  The excellent War of the Worlds got two seasons and, between you and me, I just want ask a quiet little question - what the fuck were they doing with that second season?  The original Battlestar Galactica was renewed for a second season (what they did with that second season has been erased from the record, thankfully).  The Prisoner was supposed to have a short run, it was meant to be a mini-series and actually ran longer than they wanted.  Oddly enough, people argue about Blake's 7.  B7 had four years, and an accomplished and well-done beginning, middle and end.

We live in an era where sci-fi has been given a new lease on life.  From the Galactica to the TARDIS to Serenity to the mysterious hatch in Lost, a powerful wave has hit in this new century.  Where horror is spinning out, sci-fi is moving in to fill the void and change its voice.  Movements like this are always short lived, but they're a good time.  Those of us who mourn the dead -- those great, lost shows - have plenty to keep us happy today.  May the fringe last as long as possible.  May we continue to run from the Cylons and the Daleks.  May the standard line appreciate the experimentation of shows like Lost and open the gates that have blocked so many better shows before it.

We are now in the beginning of the downfall of reality television.  As in every war society, we now seek escapism.  Where, before, that escapism was 1950's conformity, it is now a human battle against doom and despair.  We have begun to fight it with satire, adventure and dark sci-fi.  At its heart, modern sci-fi - Lost, BSG, as clear examples - is all about how the enemy is among us and our leaders can't always be believed, but, there remains strength and hope.
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