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Written by nacho
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Ready to get published, eh? Got your 1000 page talking penguin
story complete with glossary, eh? Great! Send it out!
A-ha! Fooled you. You struck out. Boy, that was great.
Okay. What did you do wrong? Well, let's overlook the fact
that you wrote a 1000 page story about talking penguins and jump right
to the heart of the matter. Rule number two, after "You Will
Fail," is "You can't get published unless you are published."
Business begets business. Money makes money. It's the most
beautiful paradox you'll ever experience. You're doomed because
the person you sent your manuscript to gets, oh, roundabout a kajillion
manuscripts a week. If he or she does not get a kajillion a week,
then you don't want to do business with them.
Neat, huh?
I'm being a little facetious here. There are ways to prop open
the door and sell yourself effectively. I'll see if I can keep
away from Hearts of Iron long enough to talk about staying focused
while selling yourself.
It is all about that, by the way: Selling yourself. Every
good writer must also be a promoter. Even though you're doomed to
fail, you must never accept defeat. Easy, right? Sure it
is.
I'll begin with a story. Let's take an average day at Ye Major
Publishing Company and Ye Major Literary Agency. Mail call!
Old man Caruthers shuffles in, the front of his postal uniform stained
by mustard and pastrami, and he drops off the big mail bag of
manuscripts. The plucky intern, Lucy McMasters, empties the mail
into a small antechamber containing a pile of unopened letters, a
shredder and three industrial-size trashcans.
She then does what she was hired to do -- remove every manuscript that
matches a certain code, be it a person's name or whatever, and stack
them in the proper mail pile. Everything unsolicited goes into
the trashcans. These folks are a little better these days
about sending a form letter telling you what to go do with yourself,
but I wouldn’t expect it.
Many of the medium and small-sized organizations are a bit more
respectful, though. I've heard stories where the manuscript is
returned with the letter...occasionally written on the title page in a
hurried scrawl. My favorite story is the writer who received his
manuscript in the return mail with a big red line drawn through the
first few pages and the words "NOT FOR US" scrawled, in red, on page
one.
Cute.
Now, having some experience in all this, I know exactly what's
happening. You freaks are driving us all crazy when you send us your
1000 page story and glittering cover letter saying how your great Aunt
Harriet died and, well, this is for her.
Even if you're the next Dickens, the agent (or the intern, editor, what
have you) is going to go fish-eyed when the 5 pound, single-spaced
package of paper crashes on his or her desk. That's it, you lost
right there. Imagine coming into work every day at 8am and
reading really bad, hack writer stuff until 6pm, then taking a
briefcase of crap home to read. Not always the scenario, but
close enough. Put yourself in those shoes and ask, "What would I look
for?"
Short and to the point. There's the key. A sample chapter,
a professional cover letter, an outline or summary of the project, and
a clear statement that it's finished. Most likely, you'll please
the reviewer so much you'll be spared the trashcan...for now.
In my real life persona, I run a program that requires writers to send
in a limited number of pages for review. No more than 75.
Over the course of any given month, I can expect nearly 60 emails and
letters complaining about the page limit. "I won't be able to
express my story." "I can't get the idea across."
I'll clue you up -- if you have this problem, you shouldn't be writing.
Rule number three: Quality not quantity. This was pounded
into your head in freshman English, right? The reviewer doesn't
start with the story. The secret is (a) to write well and (b) to
be able to finish something. If A exists, and B exists or can be
accomplished, then you'll be closer to the goal.
The discerning eye can judge your writing within 5 pages. No
one's paying attention to the story at that point. Hey, everyone has a
story, everyone has an idea...very few can write well.
Okay, then. Let's say you can write well. You have your
package -- a good solid chapter, a letter saying this is a finished
product and listing your writer's resume, a brief outline of the
finished product and no delusions of grandeur. What now?
Sell yourself. Whore yourself. Get the Writer's Market or
some other similar resource, make a list of all the magazines,
journals, agencies and publishers who sound right to you, get a whole
bunch of stamps and nice mailers and begin the game. It's just
like applying for a job -- send your resume out, if it's rejected send
it out again. Move down the list. Send out a manuscript
whenever you hear a negative reply or if no reply arrives within a
couple of months. At the worst, you'll get some feedback from
those who reject you. Remember – if you accept failure,
then you have nothing to lose.
There isn't a single author who made a hit the first time around.
King? Nope, rejected multiple times. Dickens?
Rejected. Twain? Rejected even after he got big.
If you have the final product, send it out. Again and
again. Don't give up. Eventually, someone will take
you. Fortunately, in these modern times, it's easy to get your
name out there and the writer's resume is a simple thing to
cultivate. That’s something I’ll talk about
in February. |
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Newsflash |
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For the love of god, we've changed the front page. Stop emailing me! You now have to go to WWW.GREATSOCIETY.ORG. Just lose the "fpm" up there. These are the archives. |
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